
It’s that time again when we are looking forward to saying goodbye to the year just gone, and welcoming in a brand New Year. A clean slate, full of hope and good intentions which take the form of New Year resolutions. But did you know that around 90% of New Year resolutions are broken within the first month? Incredible, isn’t it! But why do we find it so difficult to stick to something that we are so enthusiastic about on January 1st?
There are 3 main reasons why resolutions fail:
People make unrealistic resolutions.
People don’t equip themselves with the mental ammunition to fight off doubt and continue with their goals.
Using guilt or fear as motivation to stop doing something.
But these reasons for failure are easy to overcome with a bit of knowledge and preparation.
Firstly, make your goal specific and manageable. The more specific you make your goal, the more likely you are to succeed. For example, instead of saying “I will be healthier”, make a goal to eat fresh fruit and vegetables at least once a day, or something similar.
And yes, it is more exciting to choose a big target as a New Year’s resolution, to commit to losing 50 pounds or quitting smoking cold turkey. And yes, it is much more boring to commit to losing five pounds in a year, or smoking one less cigarette per day.
But the people who study goal-setting are pretty universal on this point: the more manageable goals are the ones where people actually succeed. And this is pretty intuitive: it’s a lot easier to commit to small-level change than a complete life overhaul.
To overcome self-doubt, you need more than just a specific goal. A lack of social support increases cortisol, heart rate, and anxiety. All of these factors weaken your ability to stick to your goals. In order to succeed with your New Year’s resolutions, seek support from friends and family, and take breaks. Mistakes are part of success, so do not be afraid to make them. If you don’t get support from your friends, your first goal should be to get some new ones.
Finally, guilt and shame do not work – in fact they are the biggest hindrance you will face when trying to achieve your goal. The worse you feel about yourself, the less self efficacy you have, and that of course only makes you ashamed. For example, students who beat themselves up for putting off studying put off their studying more.
It’s the same with addicts. The worse they feel about a minor lapse, the more likely it turns into a major relapse. More guilt = more problems. There is also the “what the hell” effect. If you do one thing bad, it avalanches into other ‘bad’ things, especially with food and drinking. You’ve already ‘sinned’ once, what the hell, why not something else?
The solution to this complex situation is something that can be borrowed from some forms of meditation: self-compassion. If you forgive yourself after a transgression with food or something else, you are less likely to make it worse. You have choices. One bad choice doesn’t mean you should give up. You didn’t fail.
Behaviour change is hard – that’s why we usually stick to the routines that we have. It’s easier to skip the gym than go; it’s built into our routines to go out drinking with friends on a Friday, rather than skip the calories that come along with one (or five) beers.
Lisa Lahey, a Harvard professor and co-author of the book “Change: How to Overcome it and Unlock the Potential in Yourself and Your Organization,” recommends looking at the concrete steps that will need to happen in order to achieve the changes that you’re looking for. What are the things that will be different about your life, and how can you manage those behaviours?
Map out: what will be different about your life, and how will you manage that change?
Take weight loss, for example: one thing that dieters sometimes struggle with is missing out on opportunities to eat with others. And this is a real fear, Lahey says, of becoming disconnected with others as they try and achieve their goals.
Lahey recommends not giving up communal meals altogether but rather testing out how to best manage those situations.
“You don’t have to do the prima donna thing and order chicken salad when everybody else is eating lasagne,” Lahey says. “You can feel like you belong by eating less of your portion, or maybe just deciding not to have bread. And gradually you learn how to balance.”
So don’t give up! Set yourself a realistic goal, and stick to it no matter what. You will mess up, but forgive yourself carry on. Lean on friends and family when you need to. And above all else, remember why you decided on making that particular change in the first place. That should be all the motivation you need.
Happy New Year everybody!
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